Comfortably Uncomfortable

Have you ever had one of those days where just everything seemed to go wrong? It was like nothing at all went the way it was supposed to. I recently had one of those days. Probably the first thing that most of my friends or family would tell you about me is that I'm an organizer. I'm always on top of things and very good at keeping everything under control. God recently decided to teach me a lesson about this though... Read about it.

This weekend a friend and I were traveling to a scholarship competition. We were excited, nervous, and ready to get our interviews over with! After going through security and getting some dinner, we walked to our gate. Glancing out the window, I couldn't help but notice the harsh weather outside. "Oh great" I mumbled to myself, praying it would die down before boarding time. Well, sure enough, a voice came over the speakers informing us that we would not be taking off in this weather... We could only sit tight until we could board. We eventually boarded, supposedly with plenty of time to make our next flight. After sitting on the runway for another hour, we finally took off. Right before we landed, I mentioned that I wasn't confident we were going to make our connecting flight. We did the only thing that we knew would help: pray. We both had peace even though the next day was one of the biggest days of our lives (a $20,000 scholarship on the line). Well, a much longer story shortened is that we didn't make our flight and ended up having to stay in a strange city that night. Thankfully, I have family in the area so we weren't left in the cold all night. I was trusting God, but at the same time saying things to Him like "Really God?" "Don't you control the weather? You knew this was going to happen." "I'm already so nervous and this isn't really helping."

To make the story even more interesting, the airline lost our luggage in the process. Both of us were wearing jeans and t-shirts, thinking that we would be able to take a hot shower and change our clothes before our interviews. That, however, definitely wasn't the case. When we finally arrived to campus, it was 4 hours after our original interview time, we were wearing the same clothes we had been for 24 hours, and we were luggageless. We were immediately rushed into the biggest building on campus for a luncheon where the president of the university was speaking. Thankfully, my sister was waiting for us with nice clothes and everything a girl could need to freshen up. We walked in late to the luncheon and saw 250 other high school seniors who all looked professional, calm, and not the least bit stressed.

Now, of course at this point I had already been up for about 9 hours, smelled like an airplane, and was sure I had bags under my eyes. Once again the thought "Really God?" occurred to me. But this time another thought immediately followed it. "Yes, really." At that moment a peace that passed all understanding flooded me.

You see, when I feel inadequate, God says that He's not looking for adequacy, but for a willing heart. When I feel stressed, God lavishes His peace upon me, holding nothing back. When I'm facing a storm Jesus speaks "Peace be still." Sometimes, though, God allows the lack of confidence, the everyday stresses of life, and some rain to teach us a lesson. What He was teaching me is that I, Joni McLeod, don't have all the answers in life. I am inadequate. And, no matter how "good" of a planner I am, He has my life under control - not a $20,000 scholarship.

I can work hard and do my best, but at the end of the day it's God who decides the outcome. The bible says that the most intelligent man is equivalent to the dumbness of God. When I first read this verse I had trouble with it. This means that God has a dumb side? I asked myself. But that's not what I think this verse means. To me, it means that even when I ace a test, God is still smarter. Even when I plan a great trip, God is still all-powerful. Even when I face a trial, whether it be lost luggage or Leukemia, God still holds my world in His hands. My life isn't really mine at all. It's the creation, the very image of God that was made solely to reflect His heart.