Jesus Loves Me This I know...

Tomorrow is my 18th birthday. I am beyond excited to be able to legally drive past 9PM, vote, and sign my own documents. Turning 18 marks the beginning of a new season in my life. In 2 weeks I will be graduating high school. In 6 weeks I will be on a plane flying to my favorite place on earth - India. And, in 9 weeks I will be moving half-way across the country. This is a lot of excitement for one girl!!

However, as I look forward to "growing up" and starting a new season of life, I cannot help but think back on my childhood... When I think about growing up, I think of mostly good things. I'm blessed to be one of those people that has to search in order to think of "bad things" about my childhood.

God has laid it on my heart to think back on my childhood on the eve of my 18th birthday and share with you some of the life lessons I've learned throughout my 18 years. So, as I listen to my Disney Pandora station, I will write of the 18 most memorable lessons I have learned in my life.

1. Jesus loves me, this I know. Can it get any more simple than this?? I think more people across the world know this song more than any other. I'm pretty sure I was born singing it. It has been embedded into my heart so much that sometimes I have to actually think about the theology behind it instead of singing it so absentmindedly. This is the song that has shaped who I am today. Every other life lesson I've learned is based off of this simple truth.

2. God is always good. I cannot tell you how many times my parents have said this to me. Most of the time it was in seasons of confusion or pain. Because of that, though, I will always fall back on the knowledge that my God is always good. No matter what.

3. My family is always dependable. No matter what I'm going through, my family will always be there. They're the only people that I know will always be "Team Joni" even when I'm wrong.

4. It really is more important to be kind than to be pretty. My mom has asked me the question "Is it more important to be pretty or to be kind?" for as long as I can remember. My mom has taught me that I will not always be the smartest, most athletic or prettiest girl. But I can always be the kindest.

5. Never Land is not a real place. If you know me, you are not surprised that I found a way to incorporate Peter Pan in this! As much as I wish I could fly off to Never Land tonight so that I never have to grow up, I know that growing up is apart of life. I have to live believing that what lies ahead of me is greater than what lies behind me.

6. Sleeping with lizards is more fulfilling than sleeping in the air conditioning. No matter how old I get, I don't think I will ever forget the lessons that I've learned from the mission field. One of them being that serving Jesus Christ fills me up even when I'm uncomfortable and weak.

7. I will never out-grow Disney movies. At least I hope this one it true!!

8. Change is good. The first major change I had in my life (that I can remember) is watching my oldest brother, Matt, leave for college. I remember waking up early one morning to hug him goodbye. My family gathered in the driveway to watch as he started his journey. Never did I think that my day would come so quickly!! Many changes came after that including sending 3 more siblings off to college, moving to a new state, watching and cheering my dad on as he planted a new church, starting high school, and adding three sisters and 4 little ones to our family. Although not every change has been easy, I have learned that seasons come and go. It's in the changes that I have learned the most.

9. "God is bigger than the boggy man." Yes, I have seen Veggie Tales a couple of times. However, this very "childish lesson" has taught me so much. My life will not always be free of controversy and conflict (or whatever happens to be my "boggy man" at the moment), but God is bigger than my circumstances.

10. I am not the center of the world. No matter how many missions trips I go on, I continue to learn how little I really am. My needs look like luxuries compared to the other needs I've seen around the world.

11. People will disappoint me. This is one of those lessons that I learn daily. There will always be difficult people in my life. If they weren't there, then who would I have to share the love of Jesus Christ with?

12. Jeremiah 29:11 is really true. My mentor and youth leader, "Miss Angel," will never grow tired of quoting this verse to me. In my victories and in my hardships, I have found myself quoting this verse over and over. I hope that no matter how old I get, I will never forget the sound of her voice reminding me that God knows the plans that He has for my life and that they are good.

13. God's Word changes things. When I was little, I dealt with fear. I remember nights of laying in bed, crying and screaming because of the fear that gripped me. I even hid from the Pizza guy whenever he showed up at our door!! When I was about 10, I joined Bible Quizzing. This forced me to memorize dozens of verses that I can still quote today. After a while, not only did my head know those verses, but my heart did too. And well, God's Word... it changed the way I live.

14. Being a doer is more important than being a hearer. This is one of the Bible verses that I don't think I will ever forget. I have gone through seasons of sitting in church because it's what I do... I am a pastor's kid, after all! But God always seems to wake me up from this nightmare. No matter how many church services I sit in, I am not going to change my world. In order to change the world, it is absolutely necessary to be a doer.

15. Always look both ways before crossing the street. Yes, I mean this literally and metaphorically. Hopefully you've learned the literal part of this lesson before. However, I've learned that when making a decision it is necessary to look down both paths and make sure that what I'm about to decide or say will not hurt anyone else or cause a verbal collision. This is one of the toughest lessons to learn!

16. Authority is good. Aren't you proud, mom?? I've actually learned this lesson before I've turned eighteen! Whether it's my parents, older sibling, teachers, youth leaders, mentors, or my friend's parents, I've learned that their wisdom really does make sense. I have come to points in my life where I've had to make a big decision or needed counsel through a hard time. The people who have given me the best advice have been the people who daily walk with Jesus and who really do love me.

17. I'm broken. I am a broken, needy, poor, hungry child who can only be fixed by a cross. I learned this lesson on a missions trip to Honduras. When I compared my earthly wealth to those living on the streets and bathing in dirty water, I learned that I am just as broken and needy as them. I need a Savior. It is as simple as that.

18. I will never stop learning. Life always has lessons to teach me. Usually it's in the moments where I think I don't need to learn anything. I'm always amazed at how much a child can teach me. I hope and pray that I learn more in my next 18 years than I have thus far.

Faithfulness to Thankfulness

Thankful. The word alone makes me smile and cringe at the same time. 

I cringe because I am instantly convicted of never being thankful enough. Every time I come home from a different country and have experienced a new level of poverty, I am determined to be more thankful. But I am still never thankful enough.

I smile because I think of all of the things, places and people that I am thankful for.

Recently, God has reminded me that I am called to be thankful. I believe the words that Luke wrote so many years ago still apply to me... "He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much..." So, I am determined to be thankful in the "little things" knowing that God will then see my faithfulness to thankfulness and bless me.

The truth is I have so much to be thankful for. But here are a few things that stick out to me... I hope that this will inspire you to make a list of everything you're thankful for. We can't out-thank God!

1. My family. I know, I know, can I get any cheesier by starting out with this one?? As cliche as it is, it's true. My family has had the biggest role in helping me be the person that God has called me to be. They have loved me through arguments, sickness, and practical jokes. They have taught me not only with their words, but with their lives how to be a kind person. We could honestly write a book entitled "Five Kids, Four Little Ones, Three More Sisters, Two Parents, and A Partridge In A Pear Tree."

2. Freedom. I am thankful for not only living in a "free country", but for being able to say that I know what true freedom really is. Freedom from sin and freedom from Hell.

3. Grace. I'm thankful for the grace that could only come from a tree that my best friend bled and died on for me.

4. Friends. I have friends who are 2 years old and I have friends who are 75. I have been so blessed with a plethora of friends. Some of them closer than others, but all of them have a purpose in my life.

5. Airplanes. Do you think I'm crazy yet?? Yes, it's true. Airplanes made the list. No, I am not a 5 year old boy - I am a girl who has a passion for every people group in the world to know and love Jesus Christ. Because of that, I am simply thankful for airplanes.

6. Church. This can be a hard one for me to be thankful for. For most of my life, I have had to choose to be thankful for church. I've grown up being at church for hours on end each week, most weeks every single day. It was hard for me as a young girl to be thankful for something that I could never get away from. Now, though, I have learned that without the church I would not be who I am today. The church (meaning the people, not the building) has taught me to love Jesus, to always have hope, and to always put others before myself.

7. Children. I can never soak in children enough. There's something about the innocence of a child mixed with their undeniable faith in every single person that is contagious.

8. Christmas. At my house, Christmas is the holiday that lasts from October to January. Literally! Although I love the music, the cookies and the decorations, that is not why I am thankful for it. I am thankful for Christmas because it's the beginning of the end of separation from God. When Jesus was born on this earth, He broke all tradition. He bridged the gap between man and God.

9. Easter. I am perhaps most thankful for Easter. I am thankful for the cross because it means that I am free from sin. I am thankful for the torn veil because it means I have direct access to God. I am thankful for the empty tomb because it means that death has been conquered. I am thankful for Jesus leaving this earth because He promised to return.

10. Rainbows. Rainbows means that God will never leave us nor forsake us. He will stay good on His word to return. I never have to doubt Him.

11. The Future. Jeremiah 29:11 promises me that God's plans for my life are good. I'm thankful that God has provided a future for me not only on this Earth, but with Him. Even if His plan for my life is to die tomorrow and be with Him forever, I'm still thankful for it.

12. My Sister. Although she falls under the category of my family, I cannot write this list without being specifically thankful for her. Joy has taught me how to use a "potty" (no I am not kidding!!), that it really is more important to be kind than to be pretty, and how to love people how Jesus does.

13. Books. I'm thankful for books because they teach me lessons that people can't. Books have the ability to automatically transfer me from Earth to any other planet.

14. A Christian School. Not many teenagers can say that they have learned most of their Bible knowledge from their high school. I can. I'm thankful for my parents who have sacrificed throughout my entire life to give me the best education possible. Not just academically, but spiritually.

15. Relationships. I'm thankful for the loving relationship I have with my family. I'm thankful for the refreshing relationship I have with my friends. I'm thankful for the wise relationship I have with my teachers and mentors. I'm thankful for the simple relationship I have with kids. But most of all, I'm thankful for the ultimate relationship I have with Jesus Christ. I'm thankful that the God of the universe pursues my relationship with Him and He never stops being faithful to me.

		"Serve the LORD with gladness; Come before Him with joyful singing.
		Know that the LORD Himself is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.
		Enter His gates with thanksgiving And His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him, bless His name.
		For the LORD is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting And His faithfulness to all generations." Psalm 100: 2-5

Missions Adventures: Mexico.... Just the beginning.

Wow, here I am, writing my last missions blog. I have been putting this one off. Partly because I don't want to ever stop writing about my missions adventures and partly because God is still using me and working in my heart through my trip to Mexico.

Mexico was only a brief week of my life. Mexico was a hard week. Mexico was over in the blink of an eye. Mexico changed my life.

Now, I know what you're thinking... Really Joni? You say that about all of your trips. How could 5 different trips ALL change your life? My answer is this: I don't know. But they did. God has continued to change my heart and my passion each and every time I have gone on a missions trip. And I pray that He will continue to do so until my last.

Mexico was the most last minute and least prepared trip I have been on yet. I was at a youth conference in the end of October of 2011 and heard about a missions trip to Mexico that was happening in December of 2011. You do the math; that left me with less than two months. At first I told myself that I was "missions-happy," ready to go on any trip available to me. Then, when I knew God was asking me to go, my response was this "But God, I'm called to India. Not Mexico." His response? Well, like always He reminded me that He knows the plans that He has for me, not me. He's always in control, and I never should be. So, I went home from that youth conference convinced that I was called to go to Mexico within about 8 weeks. 

At that point, my parents were pretty used to me saying things like "I think God is calling me to [insert country here]." This time, though, was a stretch. However, I am very thankful for parents who not only believe in me, but who hear and listen to the voice of God.

Needless to say, within a week I was doing everything possible to raise 1,500 dollars by November 30. There were days that I doubted I was going to make it. There were moments when I would ask God "Couldn't you have asked someone else with a real job? Why me, a senior in high school?" But God proved Himself faithful, as always. 

I think back and have absolutely no idea how I received the money that I did. One day I had two checks waiting for me in the mailbox. One was for $200 and the other for $400. It was days like that when God reminded me that He is in control and He will prove Himself faithful, no matter how faithless I am. There were days when I would go to the bank and discover that there was 50 more dollars in there than I thought.

Long story short, it was a couple days after Christmas and I was packing from family vacation to go to Mexico. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Little did I know that within 24 hours not only would I be in three different time zones, but I would be on a bus full of teenagers who were ready to change the world. I would be praying with people who I had never met before. I would be showering in water that was sometimes brown. I would be on a farm that reeked. I would be uncomfortable. I would be tired. I would be having the time of my life.

Along with about 200 other people, mostly teenagers, I would be building houses for poverty stricken families. We would be writing and teaching our own VBS program. We would be sharing the very real love of Jesus with a very hurt country.

To be honest, in the beginning of the trip, I did not want to be there. It would be freezing cold at night and unbearably hot during the day. I was tired and missing my family.

But one night God captured my heart.

God, in His goodness and grace, showed me that I did not want to be there for all of the wrong reasons. He showed me Psalm 103 which starts out by saying "Bless the Lord, oh my soul, all that is within me, bless His holy name." Did you get that?? ALL that is within me. The parts that don't want to bless Him, must bless Him. The part of me that was tired was made to bless the Lord. The part of me that was grumpy was made to bless the Lord. The part of me that was dirty was made to bless the Lord. He reminded me once again that He had called me to Mexico for such a time as this.

I met and ministered with incredible people while in Mexico. I will never forget singing praises to God every single night for a week with teenagers from all over America and Canada in an old barn in the middle of farmland in Mexico. I will never forget the people that inspired and encouraged me to follow my dreams and put action to the passions that God had placed on my heart. I will never forget painting pieces of plywood and learning how to use things like a nail gun so that a beautiful family could finally have the home that they have been dreaming of all their lives. I will never forget the look on a mother's face as she was handed the keys to her new home for the very first time. That look was worth every penny, every drop of sweat, and every prayer that had gotten me to Mexico.

One day I had the opportunity to talk to a woman who had been physically and mentally abused by claimed Christians who were actually a deceitful political party. This political party had cheated this beautiful woman of her home, her freedom, and her hope of true Love. That day I had the opportunity to pray with her and help her find the hope of Jesus Christ. I shared my testimony with her, reminding her that people are never perfect. Even Christians. But that Jesus Christ is perfect and that He's the same yesterday, today, and forever. His love will never end. He will never stop chasing after us. His arms are always open, ready to embrace us. That day a woman's life was forever changed by the saving grace of Jesus Christ.

I often find myself thinking of this woman. I pray for her, hoping that she and her family are doing well. I pray that she is still following Jesus and trusting Him everyday.

I will never fully know why God called me to Mexico. I do know that He used me to show His love and showed me more of Him in the process. I know that I witnessed the miracle of a broken life being restored. I know that three families in Mexico are now living with a roof over their heads and a home built with love and soaked in prayer. I know that He called me to Mexico for "such a time as this."

I hope that maybe one person will be inspired to step out of their boxes and live the life that God has called them to as a result of my missions adventures. If only one person's life (even if it's my own!) has been changed by the 5 missions trips I have been on out of the country, then every penny and every trip will have been worth it. If you're reading this, I encourage you to read my blogs about the other missions trips I have been on. If you think that God is calling you to something, no matter how much you don't want to do it, follow Him. You can never go wrong serving a perfect God who loves you more than anything else.

Missions Adventures: INDIA!!=)

Wow, where do I start?? This is the blog that I've been waiting for. The one I've been praying for. The one I've been dreaming of. And, have even cried over. Whenever I think about India I smile, tear up, and fall apart all at once. India. The word alone brings butterflies to my stomach. Ask my friends - I can turn any conversation into one about India. Ask my family - my room is filled of pictures and memories from my two weeks in India. I don't love India because it was "fun." I don't love India because it was a great vacation filled with "good times." And, trust me, I don't love India because it was easy. In fact, India was hard. I sweated a lot. I worked really hard every day, every minute I was there. I didn't get a lot of sleep. I saw horrific living conditions. I encountered a lot of broken people. I ate weird foods. I played sports in 100+ weather every day. But none of that was the hardest part. The hardest part about India wasn't showering out of a bucket, sleeping with lizards, or even spraining my ankle. The hardest part about India was leaving.

As you can tell, I'm pretty crazy about India. I never would have expected to be so passionate about a place SO far away from everyone that I love. But, thankfully, God doesn't work within my human comprehension. I'll never forget the day my dad first brought up the idea of me going to India with him. After not going on a missions trip in the summer of 2010, I was ready to go anywhere really. However, I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into. What God was getting me into, really.

I wish that I could recount every detail of India. But that would take up a whole blog series in and of itself. So, I'll touch the highlights and hope that it will give you just a taste of what I was able to experience.

In the couple weeks that I spent in India I would learn a lot of things. I learned that God has a plan in everything. I learned that most of the time, that plan isn't what I had in mind. I learned that the only way to bridge the gap between two completely different cultures is love. I learned more everyday about the love of Jesus. I learned how to look through the eyes of Jesus, love with His heart, and reach out with His hands and feet.

One day, about the middle of our trip, we visited the slums. I wasn't very prepared for what I was about to see. I pictured the slums as this place where poorer people could go to live. What I saw, though, wasn't "poorer people." I saw and met and interacted with the poorest people. I prayed with people who have never had a place to call "home." I gave medicine to children who will never see a real doctor.

As soon as I stepped out of the van, a horrific stench filled my nose. I gagged at the amount of garbage that surrounded me. I was in utter and complete shock at what I saw. I couldn't shake the dizzy, sick feeling that overwhelmed me. We were immediately ushered into a church (that was about the size of my family room at home) where we would pray over people after they saw the doctor that we brought with us. They would then be given a baggie that contained things like Advil, vitamins, and band aids. These are "essentials" to us Americans. To these people living in the slums, though, these are privileges. I was able to pray for a woman that day who had been married for less than a year and was expecting a child any day. She had been having intense pains throughout her whole pregnancy. Her husband was gone everyday looking for work. They had to move to the slums because they simply did not have any money.

This woman's story broke my heart. If I get married one day, I'll go to several stores and pick out dishes, paint colors, and bed spreads. I'll make pretty invitations lined with lace and flowers. I'll move into an apartment or house somewhere that has four walls, a stove, and a bathroom. Before I have children I'll go to the doctor and see my baby growing inside of me. I'll take vitamins to ensure the healthiest pregnancy possible. This young girl didn't have any of that. She didn't have a bed. She didn't have a family. She didn't have a doctor. For all I knew, she didn't even have food to eat.

After we were finished with the clinic, we took a walk through the slum. I'm not sure I can even write about this without falling apart, but to put it simply, injustice filled every single one of my senses. The words poverty, neediness, and depravity don't even begin to cover what I saw that day. There were stray goats, cats, and chickens roaming through the garbage everywhere. There were women cooking the stray animals so that their families could eat. Children walked around literally naked.

Recovering from the slums was the hardest part of India. I don't know that I ever will recover after what I saw that day. I will never be the same.

In addition to the slums, I was involved in sports ministry and helping with a discipleship class for girls everyday. After spraining my ankle playing soccer with some kids, I was told I couldn't put any pressure on my foot for the rest of my visit. My parents offered to let me go home early. I cried at the thought. So, instead, I sat with the "home girls" for hours everyday. The home girls are girls who live at what we would call an orphanage. There are about 25 of them ranging in ages from 5-16. They are what are known as "social orphans." This means that most of their parents are still living, but could not or refused to care for them. These beautiful girls have the opportunity to grow up in a really big family with a lot of love. They have every right to be angry, hurt, and bitter. But instead they are the most joy-filled people I have ever met. These girls, who own only 3 outfits, are more content than me. When I sprained my ankle, I had the opportunity to simply sit and talk with these girls. They braided my hair, I taught them games, and they sang for me. At the end of our trip, they were waiting for us on their lunch break from school. We were all trying to stay positive, not wanting to make a big scene. But, when there are 25 crying girls waiting to say goodbye to you, it's impossible to hold it together.

There's one more part of my India trip that I want to share with you. After being back home for about a week, I was walking with the help of only one crutch. One morning I suddenly had really intense back and stomach pain. I laid on my bed, not knowing what else to do. My brother, who was visiting us, was in the shower. My dad wasn't home and my mom was downstairs. After laying down for a few minutes the pain was only worse. I was trying to call for my mom, but I could barely speak. I knew my phone was across the room. I attempted to stand up to get it, but only fell back on my bed from dizziness. I don't know how, but my mom finally heard me. Sometimes moms just have an instinct about these things. After going to two different hospitals and going through just about every type of test possible, they decided to remove my appendix. They could tell that it was a little swollen, but weren't sure why it was causing me so much pain. Well, like I said before, God always knows what He's doing. While they were in surgery removing my appendix, they also found a 4 cm. ovarian cyst that had ruptured. If they had found it any later, it would have caused me much more pain and done much more harm to my body.

Why do I tell you this? I tell you this because every single time I've come back from a missions trips, I've gone through a hard time. This being the hardest time I had. I want you to understand that missions is not what most people would consider fun. Missions is not just an opportunity to fly half-way across the world. Doing the work and will of God is going to be hard. It's going to be filled with difficult circumstances. Why is it like this? Because when you're doing the will of the creator of the universe, the great I AM, and the king of kings, the Devil will do anything possible to stop you. Just as much as God has a plan for your life, the Devil does too. I don't say this to get all supernatural or weird on you. I say it because it's true. But here's the good news - God always wins. Good will always overcome evil. Nothing, absolutely nothing, can separate you from the overwhelming love of the Father.

I hope you've enjoyed reading about my trip to India. I am thrilled to to tell you that I am returning to India this summer. Please be praying for my church and me as we take this exciting journey. I can't wait to write about my second trip to India!!

Missions Adventures: Scotland.

After going to Honduras, I was hooked. I couldn't stop thinking about missions. In February of 2009, I was sitting on our family room floor one Sunday night, researching "missions trips for teens." One of the first results on Google for my search was Global Expeditions. As I clicked on the website a picture of a little dirty girl on the street suddenly popped up. As I stared at  the screen, more pictures came up. Some were of children who were obviously living in poverty. Others were of teenagers hanging out at parks. One after another, these pictures captured me. I immediately started looking at the different missions trip options Global Expeditions had. I wanted to go everywhere!! But when I clicked on Scotland, something happened. I can't explain exactly what happened, but all I know is that God couldn't have made Himself any clearer. I was going to go to Scotland. After mustering up the courage, I took the laptop to my mom and showed her everything I could find out about Global Expeditions and Scotland. Although I'm sure she wasn't thrilled with the idea of her nearly 15 year old daughter flying to Europe for two weeks with a group of people she didn't know, she said that if dad was ok, she would be ok with it too. Dad was the easy part. What pastor wouldn't want his daughter to go to the very country where our family originated?? He really had no choice but to say yes. Getting my parents permissions was just the beginning, however.

I had about 5 months to raise almost $3,000. This sounds extremely overwhelming, and believe me, sometimes it was more than overwhelming! However, some of the greatest lessons I've learned have come from fundraising for missions trips. Just when I think it's hopeless, God reminds me that He will never ever give me more than I can handle. If God has called you to something, even if it's something big (actually, especially if it's something big!), don't ever doubt His faithfulness. He WILL provide. It just might not be in the exact way you're planning.

June came very quickly. Before I knew it I was studying for exams and making a packing list for Scotland. I was giddy over the thought of going on another trip. Everyday at school my friends asked me how many more days because they all knew that I had a countdown. It was about the first week of June, and I knew I still needed 1,000 more dollars in the short amount of time I had before I left. I was overwhelmed, scared, and even frustrated. Why would God call me if He wouldn't provide? Well, the answer is simple. He wouldn't. You see, God, He's not waiting for us to fail. What He's doing is waiting for us to trust. My mom and sister put together a last minute yard sale that made me $700. I was so close. The week that I was leaving, I still needed 300 more dollars. I wrote an email to a group of close family and friends, and within hours I had $400 committed to my trip. God is good. Need I say more?

The reason why I write so much about my fundraising experience is because trusting God for money to go on missions trips has been a huge part of my life and has even made me who I am today. God has showed me just how much He cares for me by providing every single time, without fail.

The night that I met my team for the first time, I journaled this... "It's been fun getting to know teenagers from all over the country who are just like me. It's good to know I'm not the only one who wants to make a difference." This tells you just a little about the type of people I had the incredible opportunity to get to know while I was in Scotland. When you put a group of strangers together to do the work of God, it will result in a family. This is exactly what I experienced during my time in Scotland. 

We were in a beautiful country with incredible people staying in a castle. Seems like the life, right?? Well, not exactly... you see, we were tired, jet lagged, homesick, and overwhelmed. We were doing a lot of work around the castle, to make flats for single moms and their kids to live in. The abortion rate in Scotland is sickeningly high. The Overton House (the in-country mission we teamed up with while there) was doing something to reward the girls who had made the difficult, right decision to keep their babies. 

Too many teenagers in Scotland are faced with issues such as abortion, drug abuse, depression, self-inflicted harm, and physical abuse. You see, Scotland isn't a third-world country. Physically speaking, they don't need help. I didn't experience any poverty there. I didn't see any hungry children begging on the streets. I didn't witness to any gang members. But what I did see, broke my heart just as much, if not more. 

I had the opportunity to speak to a 15 year old girl in a skate park one afternoon. She was there with her boyfriend who had some sort of tracking device around his ankle because he was in trouble with the police. She was telling me that her father had physically abused her so she moved in with her boyfriend who was a drug addict. Because of the emotional pain from the men in her life, she had resorted to cutting and had attempted suicide. She knew that her boyfriend wouldn't be a good father, so she aborted two of their babies. This is just one story. I've never forgotten it and often find myself praying for this young girl.

Scotland is close to my heart because it's not like any other missions trip I have been on. As I said, it's not a third-world country. Because of that, people don't need anything from what they call stuck-up Americans (to be honest, I must agree with them sometimes!). To them, they don't even need Jesus. But what I experienced in Scotland told me the very opposite. These people need Jesus just as much as orphans in Honduras do. Their need simply looks different. I couldn't simply give them some food to show them the love of Jesus. I had to step out of my comfort zone and find creative ways to show them the love of Jesus.

What God taught me in Scotland has made me who I am today.  The people I met in Scotland have made a life-long imprint on my heart. Going to Scotland taught me that God's calling comes in all different shapes and sizes. So do His people.

Missions Adventures #2: Honduras

It was the summer of 2008, right before my freshman year of high school, when I had the opportunity to go to Honduras with an incredible team from my church. I remember being very excited, but not very sure about it at the same time... I was scared. Not about going to a different country, though. I don't even think it hit me that I was 14 years old and going to a foreign country without any of my family. Truthfully, I was scared that God would "call me to the mission field." I put that phrase in quotes because now, after more growth, I think that every person is called to the mission field. I think that a stay at home mom with three temper-tantrum children is on her mission field. I think that a successful businessman sitting in meetings all day is on his mission field. I think that the single parent working 3 jobs just to make ends meet is on their mission field. I think that the teenager at a party is on their missions field. God's "field" isn't necessarily a village in Africa like us Christians like to think of it as. God's field is anywhere that lost people are. And, well, you know as well as I do that that's everywhere! Anyhow, 4 years ago when I was going to Honduras, I was scared that God was calling me to the Africa sort of field where I would only see my family every 5 years and I would never have running water. Now, if you know me at all, you're probably laughing. Don't worry, when I was reading my journal from that summer I laughed too.

My first journal entry from this trip was written when I was on the airplane. I mentioned that I was excited, but nervous. Looking back on it, I had no idea what I was in for!! Less than 24 hours after we arrived I wrote this "I've already been changed. Just seeing poor, broken people is all it takes... I have to do something to help these hurt, broken-hearted people." Reading these words again, brings tears to my eyes as I remember the things that I saw that week. But, at the same time, I smile. I smile because that's the first time I remember realizing that the very thing I was scared about was becoming real... God was calling me. His call didn't come in the form of a loud voice, a burning bush, or a flood. I did, though, hear God's voice. I heard His voice in the sound of little orphans running through the streets. I felt His love in the hugs of children clinging onto me. I saw His compassion when I, for the first time in my life, witnessed true poverty. I'm not talking about not having cable TV. I'm talking about not knowing whether or not you're going to eat tomorrow.

Up to that point in my life, I had never seen poverty like I saw it that week. One of the memories that has stuck with me since Honduras is our team leader explaining to us that in Honduras they don't bury people once they die like we do in America. But instead, they put them in coffins and leave them in fields. When people are roaming the streets at night (like so many people do) they will take the dead body out of the coffin and hide in there in order to escape from the gangs that are threatening their lives. It is a heart-breaking reality that happens all over the world.

In Honduras, we went to a lot of schools to perform a drama, do a craft, or just love on the kids. We went to a prison and were able to tell men who had literally murdered people that Jesus died for them. We helped a local church and orphanage which was also where we stayed. On Sunday June 29, 2008 I wrote in my journal about helping out in different churches' Sunday School programs. I wrote "It's so crazy how a 7 year old can change your whole outlook on life... being here only for a couple days makes me feel like this is what I'm called to." Yes, I finally admitted it=)

For the rest of that summer, I continued to write about how much I missed Honduras. All I wanted was to go back. It doesn't really make sense that I wanted to go to a place where there were a lot of hurting people, no clean water, and more violence than security. But, this was just the first of what I like to call "missions hangovers" that I would experience. I've come to be very familiar with this term. Every time I've come back from a missions trip I've gone through a missions hangover. It's a period of time when "reality" hits in. The reality that I live in a safe neighborhood in a free country with two parents who love me vey much, running water, a TV, a bed, a pantry and two refrigerators filled with food, a closet filled with clothes, and more Bibles than most people groups in the world have. It's not fair. I would love to be able to say that every time I come back from a missions trip it gets a little easier. But I would be lying if I did. Truthfully, it gets harder each time. In my next few blogs, you'll read about some of the hardest times of my life which have inconsequently immediately followed a missions trip.

Honduras will always be close to my heart. It's the place where I fell in love. I fell in love with the Savior of the universe who, I discovered, doesn't just live in America. I fell in love with children with deep brown eyes who simply want to be loved. I fell in love with gang members who will probably never leave prison. But, mostly, I fell in love with a place. A place that I've discovered can really be anywhere that you allow it to be. A place where Jesus is constantly sending people. A place where you are every single day: the mission field.

Missions Adventures #1: The Ukraine

I was recently talking to someone at church about my passion for missions. It's a topic that I could talk about for days on end and never get tired of it. Sometimes I have to stop myself, knowing that it's not as interesting to everyone else. Anyway, this particular time while I was sharing a little of my heart, something the other person said really got my attention... they said "Wow, you should really do a teaching or something on this." Thinking that they were probably just being nice, I put it in the back of my mind. The next day, though, God brought the conversation back to my mind while I was pondering what to write next about in my blog. As a result, I'm going to do a blog series about all of my missions experiences. Here's number one: The Ukraine.

To be honest, I don't remember a whole lot from this trip. It was the winter of 2006 and my mom was asked to speak at a women's conference there. I remember arriving at the Kiev airport, in total of shock of what was going on. For the first time in my life I didn't understand anything that was going on around me. Everywhere I looked people were staring or trying to communicate something to me and I had absolutely no idea what they were saying! For the first time in my life, I realized that I was very very small and that there was a whole world out there that I knew nothing about.

Some of the things that stick out to me about Ukraine when I think back on my trip include the bitter coldness of the air, eating a LOT of McDonalds, searching for spiders in the shower everyday, and the breathtaking view of the city lights from my hotel room. I specifically remember the night we arrived, I turned on the TV in the room only to realize that I couldn't understand a word that was being said. Instead of trying to read the tiny subtitles at the bottom of the screen, I opted to sit on the window seat, looking out on the city. Up to that point in my life, I had never seen such a big city lit up at night. I couldn't believe it. I sat there for hours, writing in my journal and listening to the constant sound of beeping taxi drivers and the whistle of the train. Now, thinking back on it, I'm sure it wasn't really THAT beautiful. I think that in my 11 year old mind, though, it truly was the coolest thing I had ever seen. For the rest of the trip, I made that window seat mine. Every single night I would sit there, all bundled up, just staring.

The one thing that sticks out to me the most about Ukraine is the deep depression of the city. Even at such a young age, I recognized the bondage of the nation. One of the first nights we were there, we went to a restaurant in the city. We had to park a ways away which meant a long walk (we did a lot of walking there!). We passed a mall where there were a lot of people standing around. Most of the women were dressed in fancy fur coats, fish net tights, and high heals. The men all looked mean to me. I remember feeling suddenly very unsafe. I also sensed a change in my parents and our translator's attitude. Suddenly, we were walking a little faster than before and stuck a little closer together. I was ok with that because most of the men were smoking and the sooner we got out of there, the sooner I could breathe again! Later, my parents explained to me that what we experienced was probably prostitution. Looking back on it, it makes me sick. Writing it brings tears to my eyes. I can't help but think "What would Jesus have done?" Would He have lashed out like He did at the temple, scolding the people? Or would He have simply stood off to the side praying? Or maybe He would have actually purchased a woman only to set her free. I don't know this for sure, and, other than Jesus being a radical guy who hung out with tax collectors, I can't say that I have Biblical knowledge to back my theory up. I do know, though, that He certainly wouldn't have just started walking faster. Not that I am in any way belittling the way our situation was handled, considering the fact that we were an American family in a foreign country where it would have been very easy for people to take advantage of us. Safety was our number one priority. And for that I am very thankful. I am saying, though, that Jesus wasn't scared of people who were maybe a little rough around the edges. He felt genuine compassion for them. More importantly, He still feels genuine compassion for them. After that, it has been my prayer that every time I encounter someone who is "a little rough around the edges" I don't just walk faster and avoid eye contact. But that I do what Jesus would have done: welcome them with open arms.

The last thing that I remember about The Ukraine is the hunger of the people. While we were there, we attended a huge conference where my mom was speaking. Although we had to wear head phones in order to understand what was being said most of the time, I remember thinking "I have never met Christians like this before." There was so much rejoicing in that room. Over what? I'm not really sure. In my mind it was really cold, the toilet where the conference was held consisted of a hole in the ground, and all they had to eat were the jelly-filled, powdered covered "treats" that were in Narnia. However, the way these people worshipped was absolutely incredible. They soaked in every ounce of Jesus they could find.

I will never forget the relief of being home. I liked our trip, but I do remember thinking "Well now I know I'm not really called to missions." I enjoyed being home a lot more than being half-way across a globe! I think that at that moment God probably laughed at me. I hope that you will continue to read my blog series. You will find out that God does have a sense of humor. At the time, I had absolutely no idea the passion that Jesus was planting in my heart. It's a passion that will never make me money, gets overwhelming a lot of times, and even causes me a lot of sadness sometimes. But, it is the most fulfilling duty God has ever laid on my heart; it's a passion for the nations.